Friday, May 29, 2009

new blog

i have a new blog...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

i still want miley's hair

this past weekend was pretty crazy. since i didnt have school on friday, lisa and i went up to salt lake city, to her sisters house, on thursday evening. the night before we each made a data CD because we knew there was going to be a lot of traveling. however, only about 12 songs on each CD worked. which sucked cuz data CD's hold a LOT of songs! boo.
when we got to her sisters house, we just sort of lounged around and talked. one of her roommates entire family was staying also, they were above and we stayed in the basement. ok idk about anyone else, but my parents will NOT be staying in my apartment/house if they ever visited. i mean they'd get a hotel. wouldnt any normal family do that? the house isnt exactly suited for such a large group of ppl. LOUD PPL who do not seem to CARE that there are OTHER people in the house too. so yeah lets play rock band at 8 in the morning. i hate hicks.

anywho, friday. I MET MATT KELLY. aka the love of my life. <3 haha ok not really, hes lisa's boytoy. we all went to see the hannah montana movie :) i was really nervous about this film, the previews made me hopeful but i was still really nervous. cuz cmon, i know that there are quite a few really ridiculous hannah montana episodes...but the movie was really good. i laughed, i giggled, i swooned after that cowboy. yeehaw, i'd go southern if that was MY treat, i even almost cried. really, i almost did. it's that good.

after that we ate at chipotle and i forgot to order chicken on mine..not so good but i got it fixed. we then went to provo to see the best of show DIVINE COMEDY. oh my gosh it was soooooooooooooooooooo funny. i havent laughed so hard in a long time. everything was pure genius. i wish i could see every show, but unfortunately i live 3 hours away. :(

saturday i headed north to logan, about two hours away. i got there and it wasnt so bad. cuyler (erins, my sister, husband) showed me some of his guns and how they worked. and they were all very heavy. i also played with lady, the dog that didnt scare me as much. now she never ran out of energy and always brought the ball back. i got tired and compared her to my mentally challenged dog izzy back home who after you throw the ball once she doesnt come back.
afterwards me erin and her friend that i forgot the name of already, went to the mall. YES LOGAN HAS A MALL. 1 point. i must say, it was nice getting another pair of jeans that actually fit. now i have two size zeroes. i also got two shirts at another store, one is orangeish and the other is yellow. and then at american eagle i got those jeans and an orange purse. i love it. also at bath and body works i got a signature's orange. but i decided im going to have an actual scent, so i'll be smelling differently this summer.

we ate at a place called el salvador, it was el salvador food. i really liked it. yummy. after dinner it got more awk. theres a lot of porn at their house and they really bashed the church and tried to set me up with one of cuylers friends brother who lives in cedar, who is really tall like 6'1 and 225 pounds, burly man. im see i tend to go for the tall skinny ones that are slightly if not entirely nerdy. also, i did not like how controlling cuyler was and how it seemed erin was willing to do anything that he wanted just to avoid a fight or come off as the perfect wife. he stuck a bullet up her nose because he wanted to. i really just wanted to run off and drive somewhere and then call someone who knew what i was talking about but then i remember that we dont talk anymore and he doesnt really want anything to do with me. but i remember that night in bed thinking about him and knowing if we had gotten married he would have never do those things, he never bossed me around and never made me do things i didnt want to, he was pretty respectful and though it wouldnt have been a temple marriage, i know i would have been happier than my sister is.

but now i have the chance to make my dreams come true, i have the chance to fall in love with a man who will actually want to give me everything i have ever wanted. i will get married in the temple, and that marriage will last forever, and my family will be sealed to me for eternity. i'll come to know what true happiness is.

life's a climb, but the view is great.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

It came :)


oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!

i checked my mail today, and when i saw my letter i leaped for joy and then ppl stared at me. and i then quickly left the building and tried to keep my composure.

My high-five fantastic fabulous writting buddy! Can I just say that it is really fun to read your letters? I'm so happy we can write each other. :)

yes yes you can say that. i do not mind at all.

you like twilight for the exact same reasons as me?? AMAZING! and he doesnt even know my reasons!

you were in love with a fictional character, do i think it's pathetic? can i sympathize? my dear boy! can i ever relate to that! my life is completely devoted to fictional men. and some celebrities, of which no one is supportive of my quest to marry them.

today was superb! my presentation went really well. i surprised myself, i knew more about my topic than i gave myself credit for. so when i got the letter, it just was the icing on the cake. chocolate cake. chocolate frosting. mmm.

now now, i know i dont want to get too excited and get my hopes up. i know i am a passionate person and have been incredibly hurt in the past, still in the healing process.

though someone once told me that there was nothing wrong with pursuing and letting myself become emotionally's a long shot, i'll give everyone that. but...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

OCD Jump

today in human sexuality, my OCD, germaphobic, tendencies have taken a huge jump. i am now much more so afraid of the possible disease, illness ridden world we have to live in. today, we learned about herpes.

herpes is incredibly contagious, you can get it just by skin contact. there is no cure.

so do you realize what this does to a person like me? it makes me paranoid about touching ANYTHING that someone else has previously touched. after all, what if that person who last touched the door handle had herpes?


i blame our parents and grandparents.

you just couldnt control yourselves and felt you were invincible. well now how do you feel, you have continually endangered the future generations to live a life basically guranteed of some sort of disease.

here are my words of wisdom and solutions

education saves lives.

anywho, since the world is going to the crapper.

Its The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) - R.E.M.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

any other world

i've been thinking about things lately, wondering why for so long i was filled with anger, resentment, frustration, sadness... a few nights ago i realized what it was, it was so blatantly obvious i can hardly believe i hadnt realized it before.


my pride was broken, alongside my heart. however, it was my pride that held on for so long. my whole world had made a crash landing, i would lose the world i had become so comfortable in. i was embarrassed...what would the others think of me? it was pretty selfish, i'll admit.

though, when i recognized the problem...everything i had been feeling vanished. i still had the broken heart sure, but the anger, everything else, was gone. i no longer cared about him, i no longer worried what he thought about me, and i also no longer cared if i never saw him again. it wasnt out of anger like the last time, but the realization that i cant fix everything, not everything will go my way, sometimes the only choice is to go forward, to move on. i felt for the first time, a sense of hope, i was beginning to truly let go.

the journey is not yet complete, but it gets better every single day. i wake up happier than i did the day before, my smiles feel more real, i feel myself finally being able to breathe, i am becoming alive, whole, once again. sum it up.

Any Other World - Mika

Sunday, March 22, 2009

can't go back now

i suppose to sum it all up. this song represents how i am feeling at the moment. maybe i'll start doing this at the end of each post, put the song that shows how im feeling. that might be interesting, to see if theres a change over time. anywho. for now here it is.