Sunday, March 29, 2009

any other world

i've been thinking about things lately, wondering why for so long i was filled with anger, resentment, frustration, sadness... a few nights ago i realized what it was, it was so blatantly obvious i can hardly believe i hadnt realized it before.

pride

my pride was broken, alongside my heart. however, it was my pride that held on for so long. my whole world had made a crash landing, i would lose the world i had become so comfortable in. i was embarrassed...what would the others think of me? it was pretty selfish, i'll admit.

though, when i recognized the problem...everything i had been feeling vanished. i still had the broken heart sure, but the anger, everything else, was gone. i no longer cared about him, i no longer worried what he thought about me, and i also no longer cared if i never saw him again. it wasnt out of anger like the last time, but the realization that i cant fix everything, not everything will go my way, sometimes the only choice is to go forward, to move on. i felt for the first time, a sense of hope, i was beginning to truly let go.

the journey is not yet complete, but it gets better every single day. i wake up happier than i did the day before, my smiles feel more real, i feel myself finally being able to breathe, i am becoming alive, whole, once again.

so...to sum it up.

Any Other World - Mika

3 comments:

Taffrine! said...

oh my gosh. I am so glad you figured that out. I had a similar experience last summer and i kind of know what you may have been going through. wondering where you went wrong and what happened? then you get mad at yourself for wasting so much time and being so stupid and not getting anywhere....

Then i realized that I learned so much though it and i moved so far forward. It all just sort of happened which is why i couldn't see it at first.

I'm glad you are in a better place now and i want you to know i love you and i am so happy you are growing and learning to trust the lord and grow and just... live. be alive.

have a great week, and i hope this made some sense...

love,
katherine

Lisa Welch said...

Yay! I hope each day will continue to be better and better. I am always here for you!

Love Ya, Lisa

Paulina. said...

:)