i've been thinking about things lately, wondering why for so long i was filled with anger, resentment, frustration, sadness... a few nights ago i realized what it was, it was so blatantly obvious i can hardly believe i hadnt realized it before.
my pride was broken, alongside my heart. however, it was my pride that held on for so long. my whole world had made a crash landing, i would lose the world i had become so comfortable in. i was embarrassed...what would the others think of me? it was pretty selfish, i'll admit.
though, when i recognized the problem...everything i had been feeling vanished. i still had the broken heart sure, but the anger, everything else, was gone. i no longer cared about him, i no longer worried what he thought about me, and i also no longer cared if i never saw him again. it wasnt out of anger like the last time, but the realization that i cant fix everything, not everything will go my way, sometimes the only choice is to go forward, to move on. i felt for the first time, a sense of hope, i was beginning to truly let go.
the journey is not yet complete, but it gets better every single day. i wake up happier than i did the day before, my smiles feel more real, i feel myself finally being able to breathe, i am becoming alive, whole, once again.
so...to sum it up.
Any Other World - Mika